I turned 21 today (with 18 years of practice). I’m 39. 40 is knocking on my door and I am actually fine with it. This morning I tucked my shirt in to my skinny jeans – something I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do the first or second time I turned 21.
My work friend brought me some yummy goodness from Bao Haus today (photo above). On the left we have a coffin bao (fried fish in fried bread with some sweet sauce on top) and their version of french fries (why they call them that, I do not know) which is the same fried bread but this time with sesame sauce on top. YUM! I ate one of each and am happy for it. I went to spin today and ate a doughnut for breakfast and then I ate this and I feel fine. 17 years ago some jerk would have been telling me I shouldn’t eat all of that because I would be fat and I would have listened to him and missed out on a really tasty treat.
I was going to write something about being more confident or more sure of myself as I age but that’s not true. I worry less about what others think. I don’t want people to dislike me but if they do, and it’s not coming from some real place – I move on. I feel calmer – I think that’s the word. I am more accepting of the world. I have ZERO fear of missing out – maybe because I literally did whatever I wanted to do when I was younger. Like WHATEVER. Things that were illegal, things that were mean, things that were dangerous. YOLO.
But I never did things that scared me and I am now. I went to a new class today. I am more honest about how I feel now. I walked in to a party the other day where I knew three out of 30 people and was OK. I also went to a cocktail party where I knew one of 15 people and wasn’t OK. But I tried. When I was younger I wouldn’t have shown up at all. Maybe I do things that scare me because I know it’s fine to be scared. Most people are.
Tonight, I am going home to have some margaritas with my husband. He was a bartender for ten years and makes the best drinks. I’ll probably make some turkey tacos to go with the drinks. Give my kids a bath, watch The Princess and the Frog for the 10,000,000th time and go to sleep. And I couldn’t be happier.
Happy birthday to me! Bring on 40!