Finding My Way Home

In November of last year, after five years with the comany, I quit a job that I loved but which I worried had become too “easy.”  I use quotes because my job was nothing close to easy – however, I knew it like the back of my hand.  I was comfortable and convinced that I needed to try something new.  I was offered two alternatives – one that I liked, one that meant I would be making 1.5 times as much money.  I went for the money.

In May of this year, I realized that I had made the wrong choice and decided to, once again, dip my toe in the job pool.  Once more I was offered two jobs – one that I liked, one that meant more money.  I chose the money.  Three weeks in, I was let go.

I have never been fired before – it was a surreal experience.  I sat there with the Head of Human Resources and the General Council and thought – in an out of body sort of way – so this is what it’s like to be fired…interesting.  It was 100% for the best.  I hated every minute I was there.  But the money was insane and I figured I would grin and bare it for the sake of my family.

To be honest, neither job was good for me – mentally or, and perhaps more importantly, physically.  I wasn’t able to make fitness a priority at all.  I was at work too late or too early.  I wouldn’t have enough time to eat anything, or only enough time to eat junk food.  And it becomes a self-fufilling prophecy.  You can’t go to the gym because you have no energy.  And yet exercise is in and of itself quite energizing.  I felt myself disapear in those jobs.  While I fully understand that this is a first-world problem, it is one that was erasing the person I know I am.

Luckily, if you can look at any of this through rose colored glasses, I was fortunate enough to get severance from both companies.  This has afforded me the luxury of taking some time away from the job market.  To think about what it is I really want.  I am going to yoga teacher training next month.  With zero expectations beyond being excited about the prospect of indulging in four weeks of meditation, learning and asana.

The saying is that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.  I knew I had a great boss in my job of five years – as I knew I did in the one prior that lasted for seven.  But I saw mostly the positivity of working with really smart bosses who not only allowed but asked me to speak my mind.  But I neglected to see the impact that had on my life outside those four walls.  We, in America, spend an inordinate amount of time at work.  I have easily spoken to those bosses more than I have my husband.  Why is it so hard to realize that the relationship you have at work effects the relationship you have with yourself.

We’ll see where land.  There are bills to pay and mouths to feed.  But next time I search for a job, I will go with my heart – not with my wallet.




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