Don’t get me wrong – by no means do I wish to weigh that much again. I was 116 in high school. In college, under the constant criticism of a boyfriend (who I now loving refer to as “the jackass”) I went back down to that number for a short while. But I really can’t imagine ever getting there again. In the photo above, taken moments ago, I weigh 150 lbs. I am happiest in the 135-140 range. I feel like I would have to lose an arm to weigh 116.
So what happened? Did my bones get denser? My chest is smaller than it was in high school. Maybe my bum is bigger? Again – not complaining. Just saying that the body is a strange thing. And that while the scale can help, we really shouldn’t look to it for any sense of self worth.
How do you feel? Are you strong? Can you chase your children around? Kick ass in your spin class? Then you’re good. If not, maybe it’s time to start an exercise routine, or take another look at your nutrition. Healthy really is the new skinny. 116 is not and never will be my goal. I know what it takes to get myself back down to that number. It means not eating, hating myself, standing on the scale constantly and telling people that, no – this is how I’m supposed to look… I was fat before. This is the real me.
No. No it’s not. That’s the jackass getting back in to my head. That’s me letting society tell me that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Let me tell you – as someone who has been on both sides of that scale (ha, pun) healthy feels 10,000 times better than skinny. Mentally, physically, emotionally. And I promise you, if I were starving myself again, there is no way I would be able to pull off the above move on my first try. I would have passed out.
Love yourself. And if you can’t do that right now, know that I love you.
And I really need to do something with my hair!