I Am Allowed to do This 

I am one week in to my yoga teacher training at Yoga Vida.  We learned philosophy (which I loved) and anatomy (which may be the reason I fail this class).  Every day begins with asana practice (AKA a yoga class).  The first day, I smiled realizing that – were I at my old job, I would have been standing outside waiting for my boss with her drink (venti passion fruit iced tea, no sweetener, extra ice, extra shaken).

On the second day, however, mid way through our morning practice – this wave of guild rushed over me.  My mom and husband are having to take over all of the work of raising my kids while I indulge in my favorite pass-time for a month.  I wanted to title this blog post “I Deserve This” but I haven’t gotten that far yet.

Why is it so hard for me to take care of myself?  Why am I so willing to put everyone ahead of me.  My mom, my husband, my kids, my boss.  I will sacrifice my own enjoyment for them.  Why?  Is it because I am a woman and the patriarchy is all around us?  Is it because I’m a mom and society tells me that any other sense of identity is selfish and wrong?

My first week is now complete and I couldn’t be happier.  We are learning so much.  Sometimes too much.  But I am so glad that I did this.  Maybe I even deserve this?

 

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8 thoughts on “I Am Allowed to do This 

  1. I found the same conflicting feelings during my teacher training. The beauty you will learn is that when you begin to take care of you everything else will fall into place. You and your family are going through a transition period once the routine is in place of you taking care of you and following your dreams it will get better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s just all so much right now. I’m sure you are right – but one week in, buried in homework… It’s kind of hard to see. But with support from people like you, friends and family – I am confident I will make it to the other side. Thank you!

      Like

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